Two Country Fans Walked Into a Bar...

Photo of fans showing their love for Trace Adkins
So I googled that tonight hoping to share a clever joke. Nada, zip, zilch. No jokes seem to have those words in them. Amazing since everything is online and jokes about country music abound. For years I have remembered (and giggled) at the old standby, "What do you get when you play a country song backwards?" It was a joke looooong before it was a song, decades if not longer. (In case you haven't heard it.... you get your house back, you get your dog back, you get your wife back..etc).

So I went wandering looking for other good country jokes. I need to say there are not a lot of nice jokes about musicians in general, much less country music or musicians. Seems most of the jokes were written by folks staring in the window at orchestra or marching band practice. Yep, musicians often started out as geeks, it is true. The guys in high school that played rocking licks spent hours at home practicing and often hours at someone else's home jamming, aspiring to come up with something that someone somewhere would listen to and like. I am guilty of having been in marching band, practiced and practiced and occasionally the practice paid off. I guess in the end it didn't since I am not making a living playing clarinet. I did learn to appreciate music though, and I am nothing but flat out impressed by a good sax or horn player.

I have tried in my "second childhood" to get back into music. I have an electric guitar and an electric bass, complete with cords and amps (I have a kickin' bass amp). Unfortunately these are taking up residence in the guest room and I have no clue how to play either of them, much less what a chord is or how to finger one. At a meet and greet Bucky Covington passed on a helpful hint to the hubby (the aspiring guitarist, that bass is mine!) Learn the chords C, G and D and you can play a ton of songs. That was last summer, guess we have some homework to do.

Steering back in the direction I was headed, country music! I found a list of "real" country songs. I did not have time to verify, but I recognize a good handful of them (noted in bold) and have actually heard them on the radio - so in theory the rest are real as well. Read on:

- Do You Love As Good As You Look?

- Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

- Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

- How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

- Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral

- I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

- I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

- If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

- If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

- If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

- If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

- My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

- My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

- My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

- Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill

- She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

- She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

- She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty

- Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

- Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

- When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In

- You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

- You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

- You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

- You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Have a great weekend!